• Ryan O'Connell

All The President’s Men

Updated: Sep 6, 2018

“Good morning, I wanted to keep this a small group so we can talk about how to handle this stuff about Paul and that little rat Michael. First, though, the Secret Service guys are going to wave their magic wands over you and make sure no one is being a wiseguy like Omarosa and wearing a wire.

“We can’t have any more tapes like hers floating around. Can you imagine that bitch’s nerve? She’s got no loyalty to anyone except herself, no respect for the President. She’s a disgrace.

“Yeah, Sarah’s not here with us today. Jeff Sessions isn’t either, that can’t surprise you, he hasn’t been too helpful. Period.

“As for Sarah, she’s going a bit wobbly on me, I don’t like that. ‘The President’s not been charged with any wrongdoing’, she says. That’s pretty pathetic. Sarah should have said, ‘The President hasn’t done anything wrong’. ‘Cause I haven’t. Sarah’s my press secretary, she’s supposed to make me look good, not bad.

“I mean, what’s the big deal? A couple of broads have the greatest sex in the world…and then they want to make money off me? That’s disgusting, they have no class. And they wanted to screw up the election and upset all our plans with Vladimir? No way we could let that happen, we had to keep them quiet.

“Anyway, it wasn’t very much money we gave them. I mean, all this fuss about a lousy $300K? We negotiated a good deal, a very good deal. I used to spend that much in a month. Of course, those lousy reporters all think it’s a big pile of dough, ‘cause they’re losers.

“I have to say, I was very disappointed by Michael. First he says he’ll take a bullet for me, as he should, but then he sings like a canary to the Feds. He’s got no gratitude, no trust.

“Michael was nothing when I met him. He went to a no-name law school, couldn’t find the courthouse if you wrote out directions for him. I made him what he is, and this is how he pays me back?

“You know, I had a bad feeling about him a few years ago. Remember when he started calling himself “consigliere” and referring to me as “The Don” or “Don Donald”? That wasn’t funny. Meanwhile, everybody else showed proper respect and called me ‘Mr. Trump’.

I finally said, ‘Hey, you want me to help you get some taxi medallions from those Russian guys in Brooklyn or not?’ That shut up him, all right, but I should have fired his ass right then. He’s one of the only mistakes I’ve ever made in choosing people, besides Sessions.

Now Paul, that’s a different story. Paul’s smart, he did the right thing ‘cause he knows we’ll take care of him. Paul knows how to keep his mouth shut. He didn’t give the Feds anything. We’ll wait until after his second trial is over and let things die down a little bit, then we’ll spring the pardon. For him, not Michael. Cohen can stay in government housing for the rest of his life, for all I care.

By the way, Vladimir has a very high opinion of Paul, says he did a great job, a fabulous job, in Ukraine. His boss, that guy Yanukovych, had a very good relationship with Vladimir, thanks partly to Paul. It was all working great until our idiot CIA dopes helped out that broad with the pretzel hair win the election….Julia? Oh, yeah, Yulia, whatever. Then it all went to hell and Paul had to get out of town.

“Anyway, Paul’s a talented guy and a good connection with Vladimir, so we should be able to use him again when this all blows over. I mean, so he didn’t pay all his taxes, okay, but who does? Only dummies, right? Still, we have to tell him to tone down his wardrobe. No more ostrich coats, that’s bad for PR.

“Okay, time to go. I’m going to try one more time with Sessions, see if he’s got any backbone left. We gotta get rid of this guy Mueller before it’s too late.

The Wall Street Democrat

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